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Holding Both: Love for My Country and Heartache for Its People

contribution midlife mom midlife roadmap Jul 03, 2025
American flag and sparklers celebrating the 4th of July, symbolizing patriotism and reflection during a complex time in the United States

The 4th of July is supposed to be a celebration—of freedom, independence, and everything we love about living in the United States.

But if I’m being honest… it’s complicated this year.

Lately, I’ve struggled to celebrate. Not because I don’t love this country—I do. But because I see so many people being hurt. Because the flag I grew up honoring has been co-opted by movements that don’t represent my values. Because loving your country doesn’t mean staying silent when things are broken.

This week in The Midlife Roadmap group coaching call, we talked about values. Specifically: How do you want to be remembered at your funeral?

It might sound morbid, but it’s one of the clearest ways to shine a light on what matters most. I listened as women from different states and different backgrounds shared the words they hope will describe them:

  • Funny

  • For the underdog

  • Fierce

  • Encourager

  • Peaceful

  • “I want people to feel valued and confident after having spent time with me.”

  • “I want to be remembered as someone who brought light into situations.”

As I looked at each of these women, I felt so deeply grateful to walk alongside them. They remind me of the goodness that’s still here. The beauty that still exists. The hope that still lives in the hearts of women showing up to do the work of healing.

And of course, I thought about how I want to be remembered.
(First I thought about how I might be remembered: “She talked a lot.” “Her stories were way too long.” šŸ˜…)

But beneath all that, I hope people say I was passionate about people. That I did the hard work to heal, and then turned around to help others do the same. That I cared deeply—and spoke up, even when it was uncomfortable.

I’ve been more outspoken lately, especially on my personal social media. Part of me still believes if I could just explain things the right way, people would understand. They’d see what I see.

But that’s not how it works.
No matter how I phrase it, people get to believe what they believe. It’s not my job to change anyone’s mind.

Still… here I go again. Trying to explain myself.
Because if I could, I’d tell you about the moms I’ve met in other countries—how much they love their kids. How hard they work. How desperate they are to give their children a better life. I’d tell you how that same love lives in the hearts of moms here, too, even when it shows up in messy ways. I’d tell you that if you really saw the suffering—physical, emotional, and spiritual—you might understand why I speak out.

Sometimes too loudly. Sometimes too much.
But always from love.

So this year, on the 4th of July, I’m choosing to hold both: the grief and the gratitude.

I can’t ignore the hate and injustice. I won’t close my eyes to the hard things. But I can choose to see the good.

I’ll celebrate my freedom—because I know many don’t have it.
You probably won’t catch me eating a hot dog, but you will find me with a scoop of ice cream.
And I’ll focus on the good that’s still here: the people who care, the freedoms I do have, the hope that hasn’t given up yet.

Advocating for the vulnerable can begin again on July 5.
But today? I’m resting. Replenishing. Remembering what I love—and why I keep showing up.

And if you’re struggling to celebrate today, I hope you’ll do the same.
See the good.
Let yourself rest.
Then get back to loving people well.

THE MIDLIFE ROADMAP QUIZ

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  • What do I want, and how do I create a life that feels meaningful?
  • Why do I feel stuckĀ & disconnected, even though I've spent so much of my life giving to others?

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